Digested by God (love tasted)

Called down by the black crows.
The end unravelling from the start.
But there is no need to fear.
All these pieces of such a life, twinkling like a magpie prize.
Caught in the claws and clutches of another.
Keep an eye on the rising waters that swallow your bones.
Fusing the soul back to the heavens.
Late again for your own funeral, but god forgives you.
The retreat back into the mind, the swirling birds that will meet you by the devil’s eye.
Does it ever equal all the pain you’ve gone through?
What happens when the anger and love show?
Collected and dispensed like feathers on the wind.
A bird in the hand.
The ache in the bush, twisting in the fingers of fate.
Soaking wet, and restless. Flying south for the eternal winter.
Six feet of soil and sadness.
Buried like treasure and the troubled heart.
But you don’t get to go yet.

Haunted hunter

A mournful tune to play as the bones buckle.
The hum inside your gums while the night lingers on.
What sound called to you, rose you from that grave of regret.
We sit and watch the world tip over, spun into a dizzying dervish and lost in the mind of God.
These darkened eyes that haunt you, casting casualties and consequence.
Do you leave them to turn to stone?
To honey up and glaze like the milky itch of remorse?
How heavy the skin of the idle.
Bleached into the alien grey like driftwood on a beach.
Turn on that apology and settle into an xstatic rhythm.
Shaken from the willows of the wilds. Shaking stars and dust from your mind.
The black swan which follows you, cries out for change.
Etiolated in the darkening world you occupy.
Be still its cries of the dying, the call for collapse.
For this flightless bird of paradise craves warmer climates.
And a world much brighter than our own.

An art of unknowing

Do not sleep. Just dream
Call my name, and count to fifty.
Slip into that small space between the bookshelf and god.
Go, and leave all that stuff upon me.
A poetry of indecision.
Boxed unimagined dreams.
Like my name scratched into the refrigerator.
A frigid corrosion of souls.
I took you inside me, as I took your name.
You banged my inner wall of doubt away.
Yet a partition grew, out of rocks and hewn history.
Mistrust and apathy.
Everything you offered, it all touched me so deep.
Knowing what I really needed.
Snatching it away like a jackdaw.
Now you leave me settling for any interruption.
Spinning on turning tables.
Knocking on answers, waiting to understand.

Skylark – Soaring

You made this sky your own, clogging it with stars.
Oh sweet little bird, are you a phoenix in disguise?
Where have you gone, to light different skies?
I look for you always, in the midnight sun.
Hoping you’re no longer afraid of the dark.
Looking for that birdsong, to vibrate my own heart.
Aviate this dream of mine, deep in the feathers and down.
Peck it into reality.
And fly me to your moon.

Skylark – Soar

That sweet melody of promises you made to break.
From that little bird inside your heart.
As the daylight fades, it bursts into flames.
It’s burning wings signalling the setting sun.
Falling feathers that tickle my soul.
Oh little bird, where have you gone?
Out of the air and into the dark?
One day you will find me, your naked sky to soar within.
Scattering stardust in a different light.

Winged

When it rained silver, I yearned to fly.
Broken winged and feathered down.
Patching this ache that intertwined.
You throw your shadow over time.
Then force this need, looks me in the eye.
That terrible force that begins to take hold.
Once more, this feeling.
Begin this flutter with splintered souls.
Feeling it splutter.
These heaves of my heart.
I wonder now, and breathe then cry.
A falling star.
A fading sigh.

Skirt your soul

Coughing on the brick dust.
Not complaining.
Just re-arranging.
This sanctuary you’ve housed us in.
Licking the light that shines through the stained teared windows.
You cover me in everything.
You wrap me around you like a piece of string.
Feeling the blood pump through these veins.
Skin on skin. Lips to lips.
With an infinity smile you harken me forward.
Out of this church of our hearts.
The fresh mountain air hits my lungs.
Breathing in the butterfly breath of your exhale.
You tomorrow’s sigh.
Hand gripped and stable. Grounded when I was falling apart.
Steadied my soul.
And when I was letting go, you let me fly.
Soar.

An interior rhythm

How to rise, when you’re broken.
Like lofty branches that scratch the sky.
Down here on the forest floor, tangled with the roots.
I feel collapsed. I feel free.
I want to tear it apart.
I had to burn it down.
Pick the thorns out of my bark, the chattel from my teeth.
Swaying with the world now. Rising on its axis.
I swing to a new realm, on the pendulous heartbeat of tomorrow.
I allowed myself to fall apart.
Welcoming the termites of time. Destroying all I had.
Whilst watching the watchers in the wings.
Birds who fly with nightshade plumage.
Cluck their tongues and talk of responsibilities.
Laying eggs for a farmer who will devour their friends.
You don’t know what it’s like. You don’t know what I grew through.
Such hard terrain and unholy winters. Sprouting to my own spring chorus.
You don’t know me, how could you?
I don’t even know myself.

Auspices

Candied appled smiles that dapple this heart.
Pulling the pieces back from the deep lagoon.
Resetting them like a Picasso in reverse.
Hope is irresistible, dancing on my fingertips like butterflies.
After years suffering those gloomy caterpillars.
Fresh Artic water rushes my soul.
Cleansing all that had rotten within.
Funnel down this love into me, fill me up with the golden light.
Can you see the truth in this statement?
A tinnitus ting-sha in my eyes as I consult the i-Ching.
This heartache is wavering.
Threatening to collapse while strength begins to blossom in the cracks.
Cotton candy turns over this dusty broken soul.
Lighting tiny lamps in my heart for love to follow.

Her birds inside cry

She always comes a minute too late.
Peeking over emotions.
Waiting for the birds to take flight.
She named each dream in her mind.
Building for them a special home. A place of comfort.
But the fires, they raged for almost ten years.
Burning them all down to cinders.
Destroying her spirit to ash.
So now she steps. Carefully and broken.
Side-stepping hearts and crowds.
Like the pigeons in the square, she is present and yet vacant.
Keeping all at bay, as she paddles in her shallow soul.
For her waters are no longer there for swimming.
The sharks left nothing behind.
Silent and full of feathers.

Wounded wings

Fallen feathers and fear.
Nestled in my hand.
The bird with the broken wing, looking up to God.
Quivering and silent, scared of the touch.
How I’ve longed to switch places and fly away.
With broken wings and torn heartstrings.
On the ground it lies, swallowed by the leaves and an ocean of time.
Flapping, tumbling, freewheeling.
Desperate to flee and be safe.
The eyes dart, in panic and silent pleading.
Make it quick, they call.
Kill this love that’s dying.

Slipping into something

Trying to escape, and trying to remain.
Stuck in flux.
The flightless bird high up in the sky, surprised by its own surroundings.
My home was my own gallows, my seat of self-destruction.
To break free, to dissolve into tiny shards of metallic light.
Longing for change.
You called me forth, humming the chorus of love.
Magnetised in your splendour.
And now, you un-cork the bottled time and let it flow.
The deluge over me, icy cold that stings like sharp realizations.
Time and you are precious, and I won’t waste either.
Live, seek and love.
Folding in you convalescent wings.
Watching it all through glass.

Ring ring

My sky turned black when you left.
The flowers within me died.
The banishment of communication (which I upheld), leaves me head heavy.
It leaves me, as you did this world.
Your golden path we tried to tread, had us diamond tripping.
Now you’ve gone away, and the earth heaves.
The tears breathe as the moon dies.
Night spins into a constant and the crows in my skull migrate.
Seeking new grounds. Seeking new deserts.
I try to call you via the phones in my head.
But nothing, no more. All the connections are dead.

The Dye is cast

You try to love again but you’re miles away.
You throw out words like a tourist lost in the city, all broken English.
I love you.
It sounds so odd to hear.
Like you’re naked and cast ajar, with the window open as the world tumbles in.
….and I slip away.
I’ve lived these words, I’ve breathed that world.
I crashed and burned into that wonder that found me hearing the echo of the sound of I love you.
I got sick with it, lived with it, threw up and fucked it.
And so it remains.
Buried deep within, washing around in my blood.
The light flickers and I catch your smile. Too different for our own good, it cages the bird within me.
A victim or volunteer, I still do not know.
You speak to my soul and play my thoughts like a piano, you move away from others.
Everyone around me tells me the world is flat.
When I tell you it is round; you smile and hold my heart and whisper “it is also surrounded by stars”.
And now I know.
The dye is cast