Conflict(ed)

The ticking clock moves my bones.
Vibrating to a new chorus.
Such fear and bravery dogfight within.
Triggering the gunfire in my heart.
Bringing other humans to their knees, and staining my soul.
Cast out of Eden
Ordered here, directed there by badges that shimmered in the sorrow;
and a broken moral compass, scratched by time.
Left stranded out to sea.
Struck by the passing grief of that tide.
The one that washed over me.
Seeing death in the eyes of those all around.
Feeling hope strangled, feeling fear take hold.
Who really wins the fight, when we lose ourselves in the struggle?
Stretched and stricken, sunk by the force of your hate.
Every tear here brings the ocean higher.
With every cry, a family welcomes in a stranger.
A void, the blackness. The stories to tell a generation.
Of the great fight, that felt so wrong.

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Weather in your storm

The battle cry down the line.
Marching towards another front.
The sweeping gales of isolation. Threaten such havoc.
Why do you fight for no reward?
Sending lightning bolts through my battle scars.
The ones that prove I’m a warrior.
My emotions hunted close to extinction.
Tapping Darwin on my veins.
The tattoo that reads ‘Forever your Wallace’.
You naturally select the sharpest blade,
and cut me so deep I see the stars in your storm.
Do I hunker down, disconnect the phone line and lock up the animals?
Retreat and retract. These statements of intent.
The reason in your anger.
The weather in your storm.
As I pour the red over my skin. Drowning in war paint.

Down for the count

Hitting below the belt, is now your signature move.
Nurturing such a disregard for me.
Bruising my inner self, my words that always came up empty.
Spat out with blood and hope.
Your maturity sent me reeling, down to the mat.
Waiting for the bell.
You can tolerate me from afar you say.
Like breaking away from a hug, it leaves me devastated.
Yet I remain. Quiet and composed. Taught to hold my head up high.
Dodging intentional verbal daggers and manufactured truths.
Your truths, your reasoning. Your horse blinders on for style.
Over substance. Over my comfort.
Through this pedestal championing, you shoulder massaging.
Cuts deep the vein of my self-respect.
Making my feel ignorant to your perfect sane mind.
I stutter and slip, tripped up on your words.
Unable to reason or fight fire with fire. Caught in your orbit.
All this time wishing on a star that was merely your own satellite.
Just a poet in your world, trying to chase the undefinable.

Wash

Stripping back the past as you wallow in the dirt.
Forcing me to join you, dripping in the hurt.
Pressing my face right up to the window of the mess.
As I please, and beg and prostrate that I’m trying to do my best.
You can’t undo it. And yet I knew it. You say that we blew. Here we go.
Can we focus on tomorrow, the beautiful, or the happy? Things that work better when we flow?

Fuzzy full circle

I don’t know the answers, maybe someday I will.
Put me on like a coat in the rain, wear me out.
Bleed me for information, thumb presses and Chinese burns.
Resist the urge to reset, leave me here where I fall.
You stole the vertebrae, you spirited away my soul.
Telescope in and see the destruction, microscopic mass destruction.
Atoms part as do hearts. And still you refuse to answer.
You refute and dictate. Walking away.
Walk this way you say with your ego up high.
Red peppers and truths burn from within and you crinkle in the sun.
Convulsing in the epileptic fit of honesty.
Punk-drunk and buggered. Leaving me in Bow.
Greater London and all the world.
Leaving me to travel alone, in the disabled seat nursing a broken heart.
Stupider than stupid.

Lexicon and lightning storms

Play those words like cards, split from the stacked deck.
Forever in your favour.
I’m tripping, and sticking to the toffee words on your tongue.
You led me here, with poisoned breadcrumbs and the promise of perfection.
Your mouth looks so tempting, as clean as an oven.
I tried to be all for you, without crucifying who I was.
Your spear of our destiny digs in deeper, seeing what’s left inside.
Blood and broken dreams frozen in tears.
Spill me, fill me. No longer thrilling me with thoughts of tomorrow.
The dark clouds roll in and I see your quickening quarrel gather speed.
I put up my umbrella towards the oncoming deluge, fixing the weather vane to my heart.
Swirling in the confusion, the hurricane of you anger.
I let go and drown in the onslaught of your hypocrisy.
Battered against your will, struck by your electric storm.
Drifting in the debris of you and me.

Subside

Falling down the waterfall, falling from grace.
Sliding, spiralling and collapsing. Leaving not but a trace.
Tumbling down speedily, in disgust from your eyes.
Crawling out of this bitter, purgening demise.
Escaping into nothingness, fleeing into freedom.
Tasting the exotic, the heady heights of delirium.
Moving a certain way, to expand these wings.
Unfurling these feathers, precious aerodynamic things.
Falling once again, from ledges of beyond time.
Saying goodbye to shadows, and the ghosts in your mind.
The realisation of collapse, and that this is not where I need to be.
Not a sad solitary boat of sand, on your egotistical sea.
I fully bow out, take my leave and resign.
Plunging into tomorrow knowing, I must fall to then climb.