Fervour

Say a prayer while you sink to the ocean floor.
Young feathered boy.
Eat the darkness as the sky alights.
Filling your soul with starlight.
A transient tempted eye.
Sweet delicious girl.
Smash the edges and eat the pith of life.
You know they lied to you.
Course the universe and break the isotopes.
Wring them clear of the oil that curdles.
Washed away by a secret self.
A knowing of the realm of desire.
Candied couple stuck in the honey of the land.
Taste more than the drops of inconsequence.
Bury the bones on the moon.

Her own universe

Tuesdays were always difficult. A problem day. A nothing day. All the things wrong in her life seemed to have occurred on that second day of the week. Second for her at least, some people she knew classed Sunday as the first day. What did they know she always thought? She could always gauge how one Tuesday was to unfold anyway, the motivation of Monday dripped away by the evening, making way for another mediocre book-end of days that collected on the shelf of her life. But this Tuesday was different. Different in a similar sort of way, like driving down a road that you’ve never been down before, yet knowing there will be a dead end.
The rain had done it’s best to encourage her to stay at home that day, the wind whipping up a sizeable storm outside her windowpane to keep her safely tucked inside watching the world come to a watery end. The promise of a good book by her small cosy fire was not enough of a lure it seemed, to keep her from going over to see her mother. She lived on the other side of town, which in itself was not a large body of houses, you could cross to the other side in about ten minutes by car. However, Jackie didn’t own a car and she didn’t drive. She was much too anxious to be let loose in a world where maniacs were given licenses to speed along invisible racetracks.

So that day, the Tuesday day; she braved the weather and made her way to her mother’s house. She was prepared for the storm, and had dispensed on the cumbersome umbrella that would no doubt pick her up and whisk her away to Oz. Instead, she was bundled up so tight and so well she looked like a yeti wading through the small streets, caring not to the cars that splashed by her on their own personal adventures.

She’d had the ominous feeling since breakfast, that something was out of sync that day. The weather was the first warning, the second being her hands which had been shaking since she had tried to spoon the cornflakes into her mouth for breakfast. The tiny pieces of cereal had fallen all around her bowl like tiny bits of cardboard on a craft mat. She’d taken a pill and all had seemed fine, though she couldn’t shake the feeling. It stuck to her like the film of milk left on an emptied glass.

She thought more of it now, watching a black cat dart out from under someone’s parked car on the side of the street. Unaccustomed to being out in the wet weather, it glared at her as it made its way to the safety of a porch of the house she passed. The feeling was itching away at her insides now, and she quickened the pace towards her mother’s house.

“Mum, it’s me” She called into the small little cottage. Her mother never locked her doors, refusing to believe she was living in the 21st century, still half expecting friendly neighbours to pop in to see how she was doing and borrow sugar. She closed the door and locked it firmly behind. “Mum?”. But there was no reply. The house wasn’t quiet though. It groaned and shunted in the storm, and in the rooms away some pipes gurgled into their own orchestral concert. She took off her jacket, hanging it up on the coat hook by the front door. She passed by the picture of her father, nestled into a neatly polished silver frame, greeting anyone who entered her mother’s kingdom with a smile and a look of knowing.

At her feet she felt Apollo brush past her, gliding through the hallway like a streak of fur. Her mother had had her since she was a kitten, given to her by one of the ladies she played bingo with down at the village hall. She’d always said she was more of dog person, but she secretly, Jackie suspected, adored that cat; who took great pride of place throughout her mother’s well organised life. Apollo meowed noisily and scuttled off towards the conservatory.

“Mum, you about?” she called out again. Holding back the alarm now that had convened on her feeling of ill and dreed since the morning. She followed the cat to the back of the house, the rain thundering hard down onto the conservatory roof, tining and thundering through the back room.

There she saw her mother, slumped on the side of her high backed chair. A stranger would have guessed she was sleeping, but Jackie knew her better than that, and though she couldn’t help it, she hung back for a moment, bracing her emotions for the tidal of grieve that was to come.

There was a slow rumble of thunder coming from outside, the ferociousness of the storm was waiting in the wings still, about to set forth it’s lasered dance of lightning and noise. She brushed the loose hair that had fallen over her mother’s face, the greying sight of age that hung loose and lifeless. Her eyes were closed she noticed, and a huge part of her was relieved to think that she had felt no pain.

She was sat in the centre of the conservatory just by her huge astromic telescope that she had bought herself a few years ago. Anyone who came to the house always thought it was decorative. The type of thing high end department stores sell for obscure aesthetics to those with more taste than knowledgeable inclination. One look around to spot the kitschy frog ornaments and dusty fake flowers would be enough to tell you it wasn’t one of those. This was an actual telescope, and her mother simply adored star gazing. She would sit out here, and sometimes in the garden on the warmer nights, and gaze up into the heavens. She knew all of the constellations of course, and would set Jackie’s niece Angela on her lap when she came over and try to find the planets for her, even in the day.

Her mother sat there now, an empty shell in that high back chair, her hand on her notepad with some scribblings of her night’s recent gazing. Apollo jumped up and sat on her lap, wafting the smell of her perfume up into Jackie’s nostrils, flaring up memories and loss. She cried there then, for about twenty minutes, her hand in her mother’s as she said her goodbyes. She wondered what to do after, going over to her mother’s phone in the kitchen to ring her brother to tell him what had happened. Seeing in her mind’s eye the next 24hrs unfolding in a terrible depressive snapshot of time.

She put the phone back in its cradle and instead went to the kettle and made herself a cup of tea. She sat with her mother for the rest of the day, until the sun slipped out of the sky and darkness descended. The storm had long ago blown itself into oblivion, making way for the tranquil stillness that comes after a hurricane. Jackie had done the same, allowing the moments and thoughts of despair to be swept away in the stormy waters.

She looked up through the telescope to see the stars dancing above in their diamond beauty, and then she got to work.

She reached up through the telescope and grabbed the black duvet of space. Some stardust sprinkled her hands like glitter off a birthday card. She heaved and pulled and dragged the galaxy down to earth where she and her mother sat in that conservatory on that infamous Tuesday. She tugged and dragged, scaring poor Apollo with her grunts and sighs, who dived behind her mother’s cardigan which she had wrapped around her body, stiffening slowly as she slipped into rigor mortis. When she had what she needed, she drew it around her mother, blanketing her in the sea of stars. The ones she had longed for all her life. Wrapping her tightly like a swaddled child, in a stars and space. Keeping her safe forever in the place she loved.

Sacred sinners

On a night like this, as the clouds cover the moon.
Or is it your hand reaching up to the sky?
Reaching towards heaven, trying to pull over the milky way.
Your feet stick into the mud of our circumstance.
Arms tarred and feathered like mine.
Your lips have known a thousand others.
Tasted a million other apples.
Lucifer in my hands, yet the Satan in my heart.
A name chained in irons and weighed down with history.
Yet to my eyes you are future, dipped in stars & the clouds you fell through.
They nailed me to the tree, they never knew love.
Letting me bleed out until the oil fell forth.
You cut me down and you hold me now.
Kissing the scars, wiping away the ink that burned.
I clip my wings and lay you in your my feathers and down.
Feeling my saliva sizzle on your skin.
Let us pull the soil over us and sleep forever in our own Eden.
Lucifer and Jesus, locked in eternity; or as long as the world rotates.
Orbiting the sun, and listening to the solar system.
Hiding from God.

Grounded

They split the sun in two and I fell into the sky.
That vast aperture to swallow me completely.
Gobbling light and the cells of the universe.
This volant creature feeling the constellations on my fingertips.
Tumbling and freewheeling as my soul solidifies.
The ticking clock ignites and hurtles me on.
After days languishing over lunar landscapes and silent seas.
Wrap me in skin.
Count my DNA as the magic settles.
Freefall through the atmosphere, making waves across your heart.
Plummet with all the intention of God and deliberateness of the devil.
To be smouldering on your shore.
Smoking on the sulphur of your spirit
Grounded, by just one look into your eyes.

Hurried home

This galaxy that divides us, keeping me from you.
Like a tooth wrapped in twigs, eager to seize you once more.
Distance and time stopping my heart like lidocaine.
Pulsating in a static fury.
Tragedy beyond my grasp.
So I travel, I move towards you.
Travelling such light years and eye blinks.
Coming home to you.
Burning the bridge behind so I need never dwell beneath.
Banishing the trolls from my skin.
Wiping away magic that bound me there.
I see you standing, silhouetted against my soul.
Arms and heart open. Promising such comfort.
Ready to envelop me into your world.
I cast no shadow in your light, for we are one.
Keeping me safe in the house of marble, with pillars of time.
I feel your skin and pluck the bones from your heart.
Building me a home like a nesting bird.
Erasing the pain and migratory thoughts.
Staying with you till the end of time.

Slipping on stars

Lost in words, sweet syllables and lullabies.
Knowing too well the winners write the rule books.
Always first in the end, then onto the beginning. Re-structuring my world away.
April night, waiting for the moon to sleep.
Had enough fights to make sure the bruises will never fade. Leaving it all behind.
Choking on solar flares, breathing in a new tomorrow.
The stakes never higher, you chased me from pole to pole, frozen in your righteousness.
Your need to be right and your tries that bind. Trying to be me, trying to be something different.
But I wipe this away and breathe in the galactic air.
Allowing cosmosis to take me deep within you, and all your little galaxies.
The Pisces in me is rising, questioning my reasons to stay; as always.
But the chrysalis of us has flared and I’m strolling now in your starry garden, letting us rest upon my shoulders.
Slipping on stars and sliding into deeper space.
Orbiting you, questioning Copernicus.
Blinded once more by your light.

Dissolve

On my fingertips, dancing like a tiger.
The tip of my tongue, growling like a beast.
Naming you, shaming you. Falling under. My fingertips now tingle.
Blood and sweat dripping down like melting galaxies.
You fold away the past, and dissolve the future.
Streaking my colours into a frantic version of now.
Washing away the grey.
This good life you prophesize, I want to know all about it.
As I swirl round and round in the delusional dream.
Floating on the falling stars while I wave goodbye to the lonely.
These cells break down and collapse. This earth shakes underneath.
A ballet of our isotopes, that merge and fall with each of your heartbeats.
I cling to you, for fear of disappearing completely.
Of wanting to be lost in you.
This sweet gigantic resolve, and chaotic dissolve of mergence.
As you love me, for me.

Cascade (Care for)

This talk of syncretic rhythm.
Finds me cowering under the pillows. Filling up my ears with atoms and ghosts.
It rocks me into unsteadiness.
These thoughts you conjure, they hurt me.
Your words are like weapons, sometimes they cut too deep.
Your blitz came and went, leaving my cathedral of love intact; if not surrounded by smoke and dead souls.
Standing at least.
I sing out a lullaby and light a candle here in the dark.
My sky machine is set to 7, and stars cascade like a celestial waterfall.
Blood on the rocks, bodies in the water. Drowning in the Milky Way.
If you lick my skin, you will not taste milk and honey.
If you bite my flesh, all you will see is bone and cartilage of sorrow.
The blood drool of your passion, a butchery banquet.
The smell of revenge in the air sends you up again.
Higher, over the moon and into my bed.
Into my head.
Ripping apart my lonely grey. Making my eyes dazzle gold like a bruised sun.
As I crawl back to the sea.

Apologetic time travel

Into your eyes I shall remain.
Above my head the light begins to shine. Don’t start believing.
Don’t start believing the lies.
Conversations over space, yelling into different galaxies.
Hoping to come down, to descend into this one.
Did I lie to you, I ask my younger self?
You hold your heart so close, secret and safe.
A wonderful treasure for someone to discover.
Water in the desert, light for those in the dark.
Give yourself to me. Completely.
You rest your hand in my own outstretched, and I pull you into the future.
Ideals of youth, questions on your tongue with such energy and promise.
And you see what there is here, what I am now.
Yet I feel so sad. I must say to you: I’m doing my best.

Seahorse

The Saturn rings look like halos above you. Don’t move, you look divine.
Around your feet the seahorses play, kicking up moon dust memories.
You find me, deep down in the Mariana trench, decaying like an old wreck.
Do not ask me to play hide and seek now, I do not know the universe as well as you.
1, 2, 3, 4…..Comets shoot across my sky, turning the blackness to fire.
I’m blinded and momentarily lost. You paralyse me with your tongue, licking sweet sensations upon me then flicking me with words that sink in, deep into the bloodstream.
My nakedness parades in full as I stroll across the moon.
Swim to the ocean floor, swim forever more in the sea that seems beyond tranquil.
8, 9, 10….ready or not.
You found me, just north of Neptune, wearing my crown.
You say it suits you better, everything always does.
I diminish in ill-fitting clothes of the emperor. Falling into threadbare solitude.
Will the trident ever be tasted? How much blood needs to flow into these craters to satisfy?
Throw me back to the tide and cast your net further afar. Let the oceans pull you away so I never let you plunge my Atlantis into dismay.
My pyramids will be forever mine alone, a place I can go to weep and smile.

Across the sky

Though the universe spins on your finger, though the moon sets and falls in your eyes.
I can see the space left in-between us, the road of good intentions and tries.
As the ghosts settle into their cupboards, and the demons hide under our bed.
I will drip further into your madness, caught up in your dramatic cobwebs.
For my soul is no longer loyal, it betrays my need’s for yours.
It would throw me into the ocean, to further the movement of your oars.
As your little boat heads towards Neverland, and my truth falls down to sleep.
Into your dreams I will tiptoe, blind to the wonders so deep.
I renounce my agnostic position, I bow to every whim you command.
I will crucify my own indignation, through the flicker and twist of your hand.
Because all I want is your happiness, to germinate from our love and our light.
That is why I cling like a barnacle, to your boat and your soul so tight.