Metempsychosis process

Stop the clocks and burn the books.
Too many reasons and motives.
Give me something I can now believe in.
To peel off my bones and to rest upon my heart.
Take us back to the start.
Gather up the pieces of the broken.
Pulled down marbled statues of the gods of ourselves.
Diminish and restore. Re-surge and adore.
The tiny copper heart. The china cupped girl.
Things that can be stored in the cupboard of god.
Sprinkled with spice and the nectar of the familiar.
Don’t talk to me now of being alone.
Hold the tongue that speaks of a frozen heart.
Thaw on my brain and melt into mecca.
A shiny version of you.

This is now your lament

Turning to fire in the diamond white sky.
Blaze across our memories like a dying comet.
Let go of disappointments, and feel the ground instead.
Touch my soul and feel your bones shake.
Then feel it in my heartbeats.
Singing out a rhythm as you dance to a heavenly tune.
We watched as you collapsed.
Imploded like a supernova of shame.
Yet do not decay and float away on the solar winds.
Cast you tear stained stars all over our indigo horizon.
Take the strides and tides that rip and pull at us away.
And leave us in the breeze of your wake.
Reaching up to heaven in our own floric ascent.
Like a frozen flower in a meadow of dust.
Locked for eternity, in the pull of your divine gravity.
Shed not a glance at our artic distress.
For we melt on the inside, knowing you are safe.

Tears in the chrysalis

Who knew the fury in that silent smile?
Little iceberg teeth bitten by the frost of circumstance.
Does she look to the sky, hurrying the rain to fall?
To wash away the paint on her wedding dress;
the coal in her brain or the handcuffs around her heart?
What song does she hum along to, that drifts in her world.
Staining the air around her, cloaking her against ill intent.
Like a red string around the wrist.
Drawn free from the granite and the prehistoric amber.
The carbon colouring in her eyes that repeats.
All tears mass-produced.
At the sight of the grey shadow in the distance.
The lonely cry of a wolf sent, to scare away the butterflies.

Tragic necessity

Unstitch the fabric and pull at the thread.
Dismantled then reassemble my love like a puzzle.
Cut the corners, and round the edges.
Make them fit.
I feel it licking at my chest from the insides.
Coursing through me like a river of lava.
Deep boulders of love shift within.
Where there was once just water and fire.
Now sings and eternal stream of desire.
We shake off these brown leaves of entanglements.
Lift those gravitied heads towards the swollen sky and puff out that chest.
The one that beats with a billion heartbeats.
We strip away the coupling and unity of two souls bound together.
Yet we then drift like ghosts, transparent and vacant like an empty space;
waiting to be filled.
Decorated with art and passion.
A wash with the colour of intimacy and rouge.
We are all boned striped rooms, inviting others to come in and rearranged.
To hang those crooked pictures.
Sift through our drawers.
Silently succumbed to the tragic necessity of you.
Of love.

Dirt

Down the garden, over the wall.
Quick like a cat, careful not to fall.
Into the dirt Toby dug.
His nails all black, his fingers snug.
With haste and intent the rocks were hurled.
Over his shoulder, out of this world.
He dug fast and deep, it had to be.
As wide as the ocean, as deep as the sea.
For into the bottom he placed his treasure.
And though he felt safe, he took no pleasure.
To fill in that hole, and cover for a lifetime.
This was a precaution, his own tiny lifeline.
For it wasn’t gold, or silver he hid.
It was something most precious he wanted protected.
For down in the ground by the worms was his heart.
Before it got stolen. Before it all fell apart.

I know what I am chasing….. (PT I)

Alex stared out of the dirty window in his third floor apartment. The noise from the streets below floated in on the wind, sounds of traffic and everyday bustle. The water had finished boiling about five minutes ago, but Alex continued to stare outside; transfixed on a moment in time far removed from anything in the here and now. Something was missing, or perhaps a miss he thought. He’d watched it play out a hundred times before, the movie in his head rolled forward; staging the moment time and again when his heart had collapsed. Bodies all around, pavement; yellow in motion, blurring around a corner. Lost…

The phone on his desk rang, splintering the images, sending them cascading down out of the window and out of view.  He looked over and saw his phone next to the piece of paper he’d been avoiding for the past few days. Alex ignored the phone and made a cup of tea. Light was coming in from the window to his left and felt good on his face. He sighed and sat back down at his desk. The blank paper loomed in front of him. One missed call, nothing important. Nothing that will change his day and not the person he wanted. Suddenly the smell of flowers and formaldehyde washed over him. On warm days, the funeral parlour below him would open their back doors; today the sun was dripping down like butter on the city. Alex shook his head trying to shake away the smell, the masking of death and decay with flowers; the beauty of a funeral against the ugliness of death. He’d been looking for interruptions all day, but enough was enough.

Sipping his tea he picked up his pen to begin. Where to start though? he thought to himself. He had everything before him, the paper, the envelope, the stamp with the inaccurate face of the queen poised in time at twenty six. He had everything but the words. Words usually betrayed him, like cheap sentiments they were always conjured so freely. Tongue tied and twisted when the face appears, loosing his breath.

‘’Well, they’re not here now!’’ he spoke aloud to the empty room, only the pigeons on the window sill seemed to hear him, ruffling their feathers in supposed agreement. Here was the opportunity to say everything, overkill if need be, but time to get this out; it had been like a cancer corroding the heart. Suddenly a shadow passed over his window, darkening the small room. Alex looked over, spilling his tea slightly. Entering the frame and coming into to his room was a heart the size of a football, it throbbed as it descended inside. Alex watched as it came in, making only the rhythmic sounds of a heartbeat. It wasn’t the medical kind like that of a human heart sliced up by tiny lasers in hospitals, more of the ones that appear above people’s heads in cartoons.

Despite its crude appearance however, the insides were swirling around like of a washing machine with torrents of blood, motioning backwards and forwards in their swell. It stopped a few feet away from him and started to get darker and darker. For some reason images started flashing through his mind; silhouettes of faces, a date in a diary, tears over his own face as he watched from above like a spectre. The images pulsated through him like a radiation wave from the heart. His head ached.

Blinking back to the moment, Alex watched the heart; mesmerised. It was changing from a bright red, blurring down into a deep rich maroon colour. It remained in the air in front of him for a few minutes and then began to shake slightly, vibrating statically like the buzz from a telephone line. Alex held out his hand to touch it when a blinding flash of light crashed outward and cracked the room around him. Suddenly the heart started to move. Alex exhaled, paused only for a moment and began to follow it.

Opening the door and down the stairs Alex rushed, the heart floating through objects without a care like in a video game. Out in the mid day sun people around him seemed not to notice the Hannah-Barbara world into which he had descended. The heart it seemed was his apparition alone, his illusion, his spiral into madness. Down the street, past the newsagents that sold tatty imported porno magazines stuck next to cheap greeting cards for ‘A special niece’ and ‘ A Birthday boy’. He caught up to it for just a minute, he reached out to touch it before being pushed back by a force that felt like the heat from an oven, smothering his pores and taking his breath away for split second. Like many things it seemed, he could see, witness and be in the presence of the heart; but never touch. At least not without pain.

A spark was beginning to glow from within it now, at the bottom tip it began to throb and sway with the motion of its movements. Alex couldn’t take his eyes off of it, much to the annoyance of the few pedestrians currently making their way on that particularly warm March day. He rushed on, not giving a care to those he banged aside. A mum with a pushchair dropped the middle class façade her tailored clothes offered and shouted enough fucks to turn the most desensitised passer-by’s head. Alex was oblivious to it all, the spark had triggered something within him, and a memory was coming into focus like a body out of the fog.

If only the people around him could take a picture Alex thought to himself, as his life un-paused and free-fell into the future. If they could take a souvenir to remember this moment. Alex breathed out as the tears crawled down his face. The memory he’d only allowed himself to remember in a picture book, and very rarely, had exploded before him. Vibrant colours illuminated a world distant and familiar. An array of images blended into one another, his face with theirs. The words ‘I love you’ spattered the floor like an emotional downpour.  The moment when he knew he loved them, told them and was pattered on his head for his efforts. For a few seconds it seemed the words would be returned, the lips pursued and suspended in a opera of tension, translucent trails to happiness; the quiet suggestion of infinity. He had to walk it back from the edge, the help of an invisible force pulled him down. What he’d witnessed had happened to him, not too long ago; but it had all seemed so foreign to him them.

Suddenly, he was back in the street, the heart hazy now in the sun. The blue sky seemed to overwhelm him and press down on his body. Why was this so important now, on this day?  Hearts break everyday, his had been shattered for a while; the pilot light flickering just to keep him alive. Everything happens for a reason, he shook off his dizziness and continued to follow; the heart responded by increasing its speed.

The noise and clattering increased as he reached Baker street station. The familiar sight of London maps in stranger’s hands as the vacant eyes swept the surrounding buildings. Alex sped on, past the lines snaking outside Madame Tussauds. Clicks and whistles of foreign tongues culminated into the passing traffic. The heart it seemed was starting to fade….

TBC….

Cor(e)

No air to lift me, no oxygen to breathe.
You punch me in the chest and feel my heartbeat.
Cool hands on this fiery organ.
The skin peels away.
The bones crumble like dust.
Your fist removes the pulsing prize.
Dripping blood and love like a stuck beast.
Squeeze me into submission.
Wrench me further from myself.
Steal my heart and put in under the bell jar.
For all the world to watch.
Yet never to touch.

Arrive/Depart/Transfer

Stripped back today’s waste (your suspicion rises).
What you choose to do.
Prepared to turn me inside out again.
Airport lighted, with the sun still sleeping.
Bore me down to my appled core.
Picking out the seeds you planted.
And that I washed with tears.
Alighted.
My boarding pass heart to see such new wonders in your eyes.
Breaking from home.
Rest your head on my shoulder and I will read you bad poetry.
Whispered deeply.
Into your heart.
You loved me today, as the night colours away.
Returning from Saturn and watching the universe tip over.
The others none the wiser.
Souls that were drawn out of committee. Leached from the darkness.
Hard to take off. 3am while travelers sleep.
With you, I always fly. That north western sky.
For you are everything.

Offer

Inside my hands, gold and diamonds sparkle.
Their shine fades in your eyes.
Reduced to lead and coal.
Out of my tongue sweet words trickle.
Caught up with cotton candy and sincerity.
Such bitter tastes to your ears.
I offer my heart, the most valued treasure.
And all you see is an organ of despair.
Sounding such sombre music.
With its dying rasps.
Yet still you owe me nothing in return.

Sticky

Soft words like snow in my ear.
Slither into my soul.
Fill me up like honey.
Hold me like a precious treasure.
Keep me safe.
Scrub away those unloves.
The scabs of hurt that taste so bitter.
Count my eyelashes in time to my heartbeat.
Wait for it to skip.
Count me down.
Preserved now forever in your tarred soul.
Stuck like chewing gum to the underside of your heart.

I see red

My eyes itch and my heart heaves.
Reading over and over.
Line after line.
Pulling me out of traffic, pulling me into your frame.
Surround yourself with good intentions.
A swirling world of your black and white.
Yet all I see is red.
The swan song that you misunderstand.
Plucking my heartstrings for the correct rhythm.
The right sound.
Colour your lines. Careful now, make it pretty.
This is the page we’re on, this is the hymn we’ll sing.
My story snipped down to a footnote.
A sentence that mice can devour.
In your book of course.
What was I thinking?

Feed the beast

Unhook the stars this time.
Swallow the sun.
Careful that hand that feeds.
Food for the beast.
Swallowing hearts like no-one’s business.
Gobbling my soul like sweets.
Those knives covered with sugar.
Arranged in the mouth so delicate.
Do not cross the line. Do not feed the animals.
Dancing like monkeys on sticks.
Throwing sparks and sulphane, pieces of God and my pound of flesh.
Strip my bones of these bite marks.
Give me your eyes so I can watch this from a far.
Your animal heart, always hungry.
Forever feeding the beast.

Beauty trapped

Bind my heart, break my bones.
Sneak in when the lights are off.
When my guard is down.
Snap my soul and slip inside.
Overwhelm and consume me like heroin.
The addict in me pulls you near.
Breathe me in, suck me out.
Spun up in your mind like a crystal chandelier.
Precarious precious beauty.
Your hands on my innocence.
Pulling me down, and knocking me over.
Teaching me how to fly.

A dream turned inside out

Stutter.
Veiled saffron words.
Broken from your teeth.
(To hear you speak of it)
Melted away like the hazy grey of subterfuge.
Dulled sparklers in the ice cream that stings my mind.
Your new take puts my city to bed.
Breathing gold into my pulse.
Beat. As it runs away.
Mark that apology and raise your voice.
Shake me, wake me from this slumber.
A nightmare twisted into a dream.
Coiling like a peppermint candy.
Collapsed into an insomniac shudder.
A lot less frightening after your confession.
This is what I’ve seen.

Heartbeat weary

My lungs are aching and my legs are tired.
Trying to keep up with you.
Running for your freedom, leaving me behind.
Washed over and smashed, like a stone in the river.
Jagged, not smoothed by your love.
And all the while I cheer you on, applaud your departure.
Sometimes enough is just enough.
Too long have I thrown the rocks of reality at you.
Hurling mud and indifference.
Dirtying your window of tolerance.
Now it’s fight, flight, flee, collapse.
Feeling my heartbeat overbeat.
Waiting for it to cease.
Making it easier to leave.

Sacred heart

You say it’s all in my head.
But I know you’re breaking free, lifting out of this.
The silencing of souls.
An end must always have a start.
But I’m calling out for your help.
With every spread of your wing, the feathers ripped into me.
I turned your heart to stone, when I should have covered it in gold.
The sacred treasure you gave to me.
The walls were thin, and it fell to easy
I stepped on it with my muddy shoes, squeezing out the oxygen and love.
Now I’m in the court of the karma kings, waiting for the sentence.
Waiting to be shown which way to go.
The thief who stole all at the beginning, hungry for the love.
Becoming the custodian of your sacred heart.
Only to wind up with empty hands and lonely tears.
Benedetto sia il cuore più affettuoso.
Ci riportano alla bella partenza.

The fall will kill you

Place my down, turn off the lights.
My eyes will readjust. My skin will fall away.
Dizzy as I spun, thickening in that web.
Up to the sky, such pedestal wobbling.
Take my hand, lick the blood away and hug my bones.
Take my inside.
Push and shove through the thorns to the heart.
I can’t let go, it’s the way I feel.
I got used to all the mistakes, and never being fully healed.
You let me fly. High up into space.
Signalling the satellites. Swimming in the stars.
Flying with you over rooftops and tragedy.
They all wondered where we’d gone.
It was so easy.
Then it all began to fade and you were gone.
The explosions of clouds masking your departure.
Lonely airspace circling and suffocating..
Now all I see is the rush of gravity.