Holocaust

This city of bones, filled now with incoherence.
Runs through this heart like haemoglobin.
You banish the hope, all latent strains of co-dependence.
Killing the love within, sparing all but the ghosts.
Who open the holes in these veins.
And sing in your cabaret of departure.
‘’Les morts ne pleurent plus.’’

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Sea salt on my skin

Not looking for anything to interrupt this morning.
Yet came it did.
Hurried through these bones like a freight train.
Cutting me deep.
Such hurt on the telephone.
Transistor tears and unravelling years.
Wiping away tomorrow.
Those words.
Not letting me.
Melted down like mediocrity.
One wish was to take me to higher ground.
To say goodbye.
As the waves lapped at my feet.

Sacred heart

You say it’s all in my head.
But I know you’re breaking free, lifting out of this.
The silencing of souls.
An end must always have a start.
But I’m calling out for your help.
With every spread of your wing, the feathers ripped into me.
I turned your heart to stone, when I should have covered it in gold.
The sacred treasure you gave to me.
The walls were thin, and it fell to easy
I stepped on it with my muddy shoes, squeezing out the oxygen and love.
Now I’m in the court of the karma kings, waiting for the sentence.
Waiting to be shown which way to go.
The thief who stole all at the beginning, hungry for the love.
Becoming the custodian of your sacred heart.
Only to wind up with empty hands and lonely tears.
Benedetto sia il cuore più affettuoso.
Ci riportano alla bella partenza.

Pulverize

Hang your grievance on me. Soak me in your clamour.
Roll me in honey and broken glass.
Shattered bits of my soul and your heart.
The gravity of your love, the weight of your hatred.
You animate your version of history that open up such floodgates.
Drowning me.
Silencing me.
Listening to you.
Waiting for you to fall upon me, stoping me leaving the earth.
The sky tumbles like dust, preserving me forever in your version of events.
Practising Pompeii on the fingertips of your mind.
Spinning me through your eye of the needle.
The force of your love crushes me, the weight of your words.
Clearing the room of all sounds, except that of my dreams caving in.

Dressing our own bandages

Grab the plaster, feel the wound. Lick out the salt that rubbed in over the years.
We live our love on antibiotics.
I wash my hands before surgery. You wash your hands of this.
Coated in blood and the hurt of memories.
I’m trying to revive us, I’m feeling for the pulse.
You’re pulling the cord, choking off the truth.
Kill the love that’s dying, as all I can do I sit and pray.
Shuffling to the mortal coil of something else.
I was always hesitant. Uncomfortable in you coercion.
Reassured paradoxically in your disregard for me. Happy to let you steer the course.
We’re turning blue. Deeper than you, or I this love has no bounds.
Legal in places, welcomed in others. Sweet reliefs and candy treats.
The euthanasia of us is the only thing on your mind.
I cannot hold your hand while you slip away. I will not be party to it.
So I weld you to my side, and dig my heals in. If you go, I’m going too.

Combat(ing)

Simple words that cut me down the middle.
Do you know the shock-waves?
They effortlessly drip off your tongue.
I look away.
You go primeval, you lash and rage like a savage.
The maddening reasons of the realistic and selfish.
These scars that I show, the ones that never healed, they bleed again.
Oozing out blood and hurt like long forgotten wars.
Not ready for this skirmish, your monologues of conflict.
Declamations shake me to my soul and make me shiver out a recourse.
This moment smashes into my future, obliterating my plans.
You dance the tribal dance of difference, circling the fire and the thoughts in my mind.
I walk away from the flames and carnal look in your eyes, with tears in my own that decorate my skin.
The sound of drums fade, but never disappear completely.

Why

I should have known from the start.
As I crossed the line, and threw my reasoning away.
Your place or mine?
Rub out the sky then.
The taxi counting down, ready to lift off.
Into the dark, with its counter running like a madman.
After the lust, after the trust is lost and all that is left is conversation.
And the years that folded away into insane separation.
I look to the scars that flicker in my mind.
And I realise, after all this time, I no longer like you.

Seahorse

The Saturn rings look like halos above you. Don’t move, you look divine.
Around your feet the seahorses play, kicking up moon dust memories.
You find me, deep down in the Mariana trench, decaying like an old wreck.
Do not ask me to play hide and seek now, I do not know the universe as well as you.
1, 2, 3, 4…..Comets shoot across my sky, turning the blackness to fire.
I’m blinded and momentarily lost. You paralyse me with your tongue, licking sweet sensations upon me then flicking me with words that sink in, deep into the bloodstream.
My nakedness parades in full as I stroll across the moon.
Swim to the ocean floor, swim forever more in the sea that seems beyond tranquil.
8, 9, 10….ready or not.
You found me, just north of Neptune, wearing my crown.
You say it suits you better, everything always does.
I diminish in ill-fitting clothes of the emperor. Falling into threadbare solitude.
Will the trident ever be tasted? How much blood needs to flow into these craters to satisfy?
Throw me back to the tide and cast your net further afar. Let the oceans pull you away so I never let you plunge my Atlantis into dismay.
My pyramids will be forever mine alone, a place I can go to weep and smile.

Merry-go-round

I am standing still, looking at you,
Your hand in mine, is slipping through.
I stop to shout, to utter a cry.
Your smile and face, they rush on by.
I raise my voice to stop your tracks,
You raise yours, and shout right back.
Back and forth, shots land on the ground.
Both of us nailed to this merry-go-round.

I kill the darkness

Are you still thinking, brain turning, losing love? Of course you are.
Has the line you drew been crossed by my clumsy shoe; of course it has.
Leaving, emptying the room in thirty seconds flat, a record.
I’m peeling the hatred away that is covered in your discontent.
No sunny skies, no sunny ray of light. All is dark as the void suffocates.
I’ve grown tired of the claustrophobia; I’ve always had one hand on the door.
I’ve always had good intentions, and ears closed to opposites to ignore.
I’m on my knees that you left here, I’m crying deep into my hands.
The tears do nothing but burn me, and make it even so hard to stand.
Behind me the devils are mounting, the spectre of death is my friend.
The god I thought has abandoned me, left a note that read ‘your own end’.
So I turn from this place where you left me, and I acknowledge the reasons you fly.
Then you come back despite it all, despite the horror I’ve caused.
And you give me the strength to both stand up, and accept everything is really my fault.
The crack of light is suddenly blinding, the darkness is melting away.
And I tell you it will be different, if you have faith in me and stay.
So I kill the black and darkness, I kill all the fear and all the dread.
And I put to sleep all the bullshit, and smash my love inside your head.
10 months of investment, and 7 days of unrest.
I want to take back all the anger, and all the things I detest.
And do you still think of ending it all? Of course you will.
And you’ll still think of things as all wrong? Of course you will.
And I know your heart is aching, bleeding. Of course I do.
But let me be the bandage that heals, let me bleed for you.

Remittance of the love that is lost to the ways of the world (part II)

Your eyes dared me to ask you what it was, like I didn’t know. The deluded pleas of the guilty, while all around the judges think of what punishment would be best fitting. The dying cat of curiosity rose and fell within me, and I turned away. I could not look, I could not commit to the ending so willingly. The metal felt cool against my temple, though it was your smell that made me aware of what you were doing. It crawled over me like the scent of the sea. The gun clicked. I felt you near and shut my eyes, longing for you to turn my head and kiss me. Those days were long gone. A quick stab in the back, the knife that had, but till a moment ago seemed mysteriously absent, sent the tiny nerves in my body cascading like fireworks. Your mouth came close to my ear and you whispered the words I never believed you would utter in this scenario.

(Truth is, you never said these three words with any conviction that would render it believable in the past, yet something told me this was the cold hard truth that my mind was digesting).

The sound of birds filled the room, and forced me to open my eyes. I turned and saw you there, eyes aflame and soul locking its door forever on me, never to be seen again by my pathetic searching pupils. Feathers fluttered down upon us as the ceiling filled with vultures, gathering and yarring with their hungry beaks. Their black hisses and calls split my ears. The box on the table flew open and out poured the remaining blood that flowed towards us like a lava stream. The contents bobbed on the surface momentarily before submerging into the crimson depths. I sighed, you grabbed me and kissed me full on the mouth. You sighed as I turned the gun and shot us both.

Black matted fur

This feeling is gaining momentum, speeding like a bullet train I want to derail.
Don’t talk to me world in Japanese.
Last night, there was everything and nothing.
Trickling down before the avalanche.
I want to dig you out, I want to hold you up. I want to disappear into you in a moment and come out blessed.
Covered then uncovered.
Wearing a crown.
But the truth is most disturbing, it horrifies me.
Out of the dark, from the shadows that sweep and seduce, the creature came.
It carries you away.
Last night I saw you weep, and I could do nothing.
Out of your window, I see the poles being hoisted.
The trunk of the tree they are using to support the scaffolding groans in the night.
The darkness masks their deeds.
An untimely but justly death, my body will swing before dawn.
The creature has dropped you now; your blood was too sweet for it.
Its mouth is dripping with your past, blood smeared with virginal innocence.
How could this take place and I still be breathing?
I offer the creature my skull, it smashes down into blackness.

Broken glass

As she entered the room, the door scrapped noisily back. ‘’Careful!…’’ I said. ‘’….there’s broken glass everywhere.’’ She looked down in the semi-darkness. Only the noise of the door echoed throughout the spacious room, all the earth was still. Littered across the floor were the remains of light bulbs, thousands of them lay strewn like casualties of some mass domestic crusade. Empty like Christmas carcases. ‘’I’m sorry for the mess, and subsequent darkness’’. I tried putting her at ease, but even in the quiet dark I knew what her eyes were saying and her head was thinking.

“It took me a long time to get here.’’ I added.  Again, I tried to lighten the atmosphere and add some normalcy to a most unusual situation. She didn’t speak, I never expected her to. CRUNCH as I heard her step across the glass. Slow at first, then with more pace and purpose. The glass was shattering further, broken pieces splintering more into something unfixable. I could smell her and the smoke, coughing quietly in my soul. The noise below her feet conjured the image in my head of a Giant stepping over long ago stripped bones. Did Jack ever escape?

‘’I’m sorry’’ I sighed out, starring down; I couldn’t face her still. Will I ever be able to? She held the moment, captured the silence and suspended the time forcing me to see what I had done. I started to cry. Throughout it all she remained silent. Her arm outstretched, I could see her hand. I held out mine and we touched. A blinding flash, only for a second and then a glow hung in the air. The room was a flutter of labels, descending and spiralling down. They mixed at random with the glass upon the floor. Thousands of them fell like snow, this early winter ensnared the two of us. They each bore two names, written in old script; nothing more. My name had been misspelled.