You stopped the rain

What becomes of all of us?
Down in the depths, floating on the sea of time.
Who pulls us back? Who throws the ropes of salvation?
She dwelled long and lonely under the waves.
Wrinkling into memory as the salt clogged her bones.
But the dreams wouldn’t fade like a dying star.
The hope threaded around her heart like roots of a tree.
New lips breathed the life back into her.
Tomorrow’s soul and eternity’s hand.
Raised her from her watery grave.
Covering her in love and picking away the scabs of sorrow.
She smiled and laughed as they ignited within the pilot fire.
Which shifted fate, and scared the fish.

Vanishing points appear

A black stream as long as the nightingale’s song.
Whose home has been rearranged?
Who swims now in the shallow?
Inside the pulsating pride of regret.
Choices on the riverbed, washed over in time.
Forget me nots falling out of love and out of the sky.
Catching you in spider webs and safety nets.
Nothing could save you from death.
From the doubt that you built as your shelter.
Smashed by the rains of immortality.
How could your soul grow in unhealed hands?
Pebbled and black like the stream that forever flows.
Around the bend, leading to a sea.
Trickling into time.

Erode the ruin

 

The sea was lapping at her feet now, the cold water slithering underneath her toes as the sand pulled away beneath her as the water receded. The waves were small and calm, placid like the mood she was in. It always calmed her coming here, walking down the perilous path that led from rocky outcrop at the top of the cliff. To her they were cliffs at least. Vast walls of rock keeping the sea and the world at bay. White cliffs that crumbled and creaked like the teeth of a slumbering giant.

She watched the little boat off in the distance, floating over the horizon; bobbing on the waves. Wondering what it would be like to be on that tiny vessel. Off to an unknown destination, casting her troubles and life overboard and setting off to the ends of the earth. Her dress flickered as the breeze blew in from the south, a small bit of spray spat at the bottom of the dress, marking her as an object of the ocean. Marking its territory. But she would not be owned, at least never again. She pulled at the flowers in her hand, twisting out the mauve petals from the peony bunch she loosely held in her hands. She squeezed one of them, bruising the skin and releasing a tiny bit of moisture which escaped into the salty air.

She came here for the silence and the solitude, but today she was haunted by the voices. The ghosts of those she knew that had followed her down the tumbling cliffs. They squawked and chattered, soliciting opinions and throwing comments like pebbles into the sea. She closed her eyes, but the sounds increased, twitterings of things she never asked to hear. She would never truly be alone, though it was the paradox of her desire. A wondrous dream that she chased, yet frightful of ever attaining it. Like chasing rainbows, she always came up empty yet surrounded with the multitude of others. Life dripping over her.

Dropping the flowers into the water, she watched as they descended in slow motion. The little helpers she took earlier we beginning to swim their own synchronised dance in her head now. The flowers separated like divorcing couples, sticking to each other while parts seemed to drift away with the tide. From the shore, she would have received respectful stares from passers by. Considerate looks for a soul caught up in a difficult moment, perhaps saying goodbye to a loved, one or remembering a time or a moment in life that had gone, corroded away into space like the rocks on the cliff. But she wasn’t saying goodbye, or thinking about anyone she loved. She was thinking only about herself, and how to unfix herself from the web she felt caught in.

She lifted her feet out of the sand, kicking off some seaweed which had begun to coil around her leg like a snake from the shallows. She looked back to the shore, the virgin sand glistened back at her, untouched today by those who sought out places to oil and tan themselves in the tangerine sun. She loved this place for that reason, that it was a quiet slither of the world that was her own.

Pulling the plaster off her arm, she folded it twice and popped it into her pocket. She pushed the hair back out of her eyes, securing it behind her ears while she squinted off into the distance. The boat she had seen was much further away now, battling the stronger currents she knew lay towards that area of sea. She looked at her watched, but realised she had taken it off earlier. She had left it on her bedside table. A tiny rebellious act, not to be controlled by time, or space, or matter. She had kept the ring on though, she twisted it now on her finger feeling the cool metal slide back and forth.

Some of the petals licked at her legs now, the approaching tide giving them free movement. One sloshed up her leg, sticking to it like a barnacle on a ship. She folded her arms and began to walk, slowly but determinedly into the sea.

 

Following the flotsam

Twilight dances, the wild alive and static.
Fingertips on edge, itching for the sun.
A tantric lullaby to soothe and comatose.
Sing me to sleep with oceanic melodies.
Ones you found in those subterranean caverns.
Notes glide like crests of waves.
Kissing my brain.
Stealing my tremor urge of feet wandering.
Making for the door.
I sailed around the sky, and anchored to your heart.
Searching for myself, yet finding you at the ends of the earth.
Careful not to fall.
To plummet into my own destruction.
Cursing blindly at them all that the world is flat.
While you slip inside and spin my rhythm.
Pushing me off the horizon.
And sailing to the stars.

Crawling back to the sea

Did I miss the Milky Way?
Seeping into my bones while I sleep.
Creeping over my soul like a love I can’t keep.
Forgetting how this feels.
If I am nothing but confused, then I know.
I know what I must do.
I welcome in the deportation.
Listening at the water’s edge.
The primitive sound of the sea of tranquillity.
Lapping at my soul.
An ocean of storms, propagating emancipation.
So annotate my departure now.
Hang it on your wall, and drink it from your coffee cup.
Diminished and exonerated in your eyes unfit for the lunar surface.
They would pop under the pressure of all the world upon you.
Like the path I tread. Or the self I give away.
Where is the road I follow? The crater to jump?
I told you all along about the universe at my doorstep.
But I know you wanted me to be wrong.
All along.
But you forgot how I can swim.
So I shoot myself across this space and walk into the sea.
And you fall down to your knees.

Heaven in retrograde

These seas are evaporating, leaving sand in my ear.
As I hold the shell of you close to me.
In the dizzying haze of electric blue, you stutter and sub verse.
Wiping it all a jet black as the magic calls your name.
Echoes from the past and the end of the dark cave.
Down in the belly of the earth.
These tears you birth, are explosions in your eyes.
What correlation sucks the root and turns the tide?
A wash once again with salty words and dismay.
This heaven I’m leaving, is but a dying star.
The moon sliced in two; like an apple, cored and bored through.
Suffocated in your new supernova of smiles.
Waiting to be born again, holding tight to these expectations.
Holding onto this honey in my hands.
Trapping it forever in amber.

Sting

The rapid heartbeats within me, shake me like a train track.
You drip through the air like mercury.
Holding your titanium crown aloft for the world to see.
Silently the world waits, as I hold my breath and disposition.
You swim to me in an ocean of darkness.
Bringing destruction that clouds my mind like ink.
Each words carefully uttered, flipped away with an arrogance you wear like skin.
They bruise and dent me, beating me up like a tin can in the street.
Silky words those lips sometimes utter, liked boxed poems and chocolate.
A look that can roll me in sugar.
Not today though.
Now is the time of toxic temperaments.
And words that cut like a knife and sting.
I can’t be immune as you turn your back on me.
So let me cry my eyes out into your ocean;
so you’ll never see them fall.

Where do you go?

When this world takes over me.
Smoking stars and twilight.
This impossible process of living.
Breathing each time the same.
Where do you go to?
Down into the ground with the bones.
Up to the sky with the feathers.
Swimming for now in this sea of uncertainty.
Where do I find you when I need that earthy voice?
That stone rooted soul that flicks away the flies of remorse.
Seek and thee shall find, but you are absent in this moment.
Gone away with the fairies as I relapse into tinkerbell tendencies.
I will find you there, I swear.
Caught between the tide and heaven.
Sailing our love to the ends of the world.
You be the captain.
And we’ll be forever saved.
Drifting on the tide around Saturn.

Fluorescent future

4am as the world whispers me awake.
All is calm, and the night travels in my veins still.
I slept the day away.
Rubbing the tiredness and memories from my eyes.
Half a world away, yet right where I started.
Right where I belong.
The veil is yet to be lifted form my shaded stay.
Talking to me still from the past in a language I slightly recognise.
Talks of entangled vines and harkening songs.
The red land beneath my feet.
Sticking to me like sand on wet skin.
Rub away these English oaks. This chitter of festivity.
Don’t lead me blind with your patriotic stories.
Colour me sunlit gold and let me sleep.
Crying into the night.
Drifting away on the tide.

Beneath

To live alive, and breathe and sigh.
Is folly to an untrained eye.
But to harken devils down in the depths;
of that blackest sorts. Whose intent unknown.
Leaves me shaking to the bone.
But in that sea where monsters dwell.
There lies a ruin, an unknown hell.
Yet I cannot bask in that sunlit waste.
It leaves me breathless, returning home post haste.
Into myself where I shine and glow.
A truthfully tale.
We all swim below

Sea salt on my skin

Not looking for anything to interrupt this morning.
Yet came it did.
Hurried through these bones like a freight train.
Cutting me deep.
Such hurt on the telephone.
Transistor tears and unravelling years.
Wiping away tomorrow.
Those words.
Not letting me.
Melted down like mediocrity.
One wish was to take me to higher ground.
To say goodbye.
As the waves lapped at my feet.

Holding back the waves

Heat rivals such memories.
Burning a hole through my soul.
Desert licking as my heart contorts.
Coughing up a dry dusty apology.
Limp in the midday sun.
Yet still I stand, awash with remorse and resolve.
Unable to drown in your sorrow.
Afraid to swim in your sadness.
Washed up, I watch as your gather all your hope.
Bottling shooting stars and dreams.
Plucking shadows from me, stuck on this ship.
As it rains on us.
I once tried to drain your oceanic heart.
My eyes dissolved from all the tears.
Washed away in the monsoon rains.
So you sit and wait.
Waiting for someone else to care.
At your water’s edge.
Where you still find me, threatening to jump.
Threatening to retreat.
Still hoping to save you.
Trying to hold back the waves.

Raging storm

Your clouds are black.
Coffee stained and lava grey.
Swirling and destroying like a tornado touching down.
Soaking me in rain dripped misery.
Sucking the bolts from my foundation.
There’s no calm in your storm.
No eye to your needle of chaos.
Swelling your seas in the face of my defiance.
Shouting into the winds of your frustration.
But you are just a ragging storm.
Lost in my lonely hurricane.

Sweetness follows

Jasmine lips and honey eyes.
Dance on my flesh like miniature dragonflies.
Growing roses in my heart.
The ivy of my mind to twist into.
Licking your skin and tasting the ocean.
Chasing your wave and finding sand in my shoe.
You.
Blue and free like the sky that pulls over my eyelids.
Whispering into my skull, the tantric movement of tomorrow.
Taking me off to another land.
Where your skeleton slips into my skin each day.
And crystal tears carve a path right through me.
Amber shivers and slumbered eyes, welcoming these dreams.
Tip-toeing through the water lilies of your world.
Hovering like the hummingbird of your heart.
Beat and hum.

Ash in my mouth

I always run back to you, with my eyes closed.
Remembering the weight of it all.
Your bones in my arms.
A soul wanting to fly.
Your lips find mine and cigarettes singe my soul.
Leaving ash in my mouth.
These dark halls you make me roam, tiptoeing in silence.
Grow narrow and constricting.
Like the love you throw around me.
Circling like smoke.
Falling apart, and left in the cold. Lonely on the filthy streets.
You are the gold that flashes. The carat on the stick I follow.
But you bleed me out.
Gold rushing my love, sieving out the treasure.
(Don’t touch what you can’t afford).
Throwing away my faltering acrobatic anxieties.
Cutting the colours out. Dying them black.
You ask me to fill myself up, with something else.
Something less substantial. The silver of souls.
The tobacco stained parts you give so easily.
That fill me with tar, and are weighing me down.
Sinking into the ocean of you to drown.
Sunken but unique.

Embark on erasing

Erasing the love, no time to argue.
I was always alone in this, now the broken hearts magnetise themselves to me.
Please, flow in another direction.
If the pain doesn’t kill me then your apologies will.
Hold your head high, fill it with promise.
I don’t know what I mean anymore.
Words leave chalky marks on my tongue and holes in your heart.
Too much time to question these directions.
Part of it lies, part of it hope.
I throw them into the sky, hoping the sun will swallow them.
Burn out these thoughts and throw a different shadow upon me.
This day is done, and all is fading.
Set sail on a sea of illusion, taking on water, lifting the anchor of you.

Sinking ship

Do you ever feel like a sinking ship?
Lost in the fog. Alone in the sea.
I’m never going to quench your fire, so set me alight in my drowning.
Our signal is getting weaker. Crushed by ice and the ice age of uncertainty.
To live each day as it came, to swim to shore and roll with you in the sand of life.
Yet now the lifeboats are a hazy blur. I know you’ve set your heart aboard them.
My creaking and cracking splinters the marrow.
I crash into the asphyxiation of doubt.
Immersed in nothing now and the everything of you.
Watching my rope slither into water.
I am a sinking ship, with nothing left but a white flag.
Fluttering above my submerging heart.

The Other shore

Scrapping it off my soul.
Place the razor, safely first.
Wring out the black. Lighten. Flow. Relax.
Cough. Once, twice. Let the black smoke drift away.
The light is where you shall bathe.
Imprints and sins dig deep like barnacles and sand crabs.
Burrowing for survival.
Yet the Buddhist in me does not wish to kill them.
Shake them off, strip them away. Let the mud and toxic blood defuse.
Transfuse and melt beyond tomorrow.
Scrubbing my halo.
Dusting off my wings.
Bring my happy back again. In beautiful Technicolor.
A cocktail of antibiotics, hope and acknowledgement accompany my humble pie.
The mirror facing, soul searching reason for change.
And Change we must.
The traveling, motioning blurring fight for tomorrow.
The face of you, as I swim to the ocean floor.