Disembark

“There would never be a place where that would feel like home to me.” She said, her hands trembling as she tried to keep herself under control. He looked away, and at that point she knew his decision had been made. Her heart sealed itself in that moment, covering up in a sheath of self-protection she had learned from when she was young.

“You could be happy there Simone, you have tomorrow to unfold and your dreams to come alive. Don’t place your happiness at my feet”.

“Not when they’re walking over me.” She said.

“Don’t be this way. I told you from the start I was leaving, I made you no promise.” He said, a little more determined now after her petulant remark. He didn’t want the hurt to be there, he didn’t want it to show. The pain he was causing, he was happy to ignore if he couldn’t see it; cover it up and sweep it away like the good intentions he’d had. Those intentions were always to live in the moment and not dwell on the future too much. But Simone needed that security of tomorrow. She needed to know he would be there, not just when she needed him, but even when she didn’t. A static presence in her life, like a lock on her door to keep her safe.

“I’m sorry, if that means anything to you.” He said, and her eyes bore into him. Scanning his conscience like a metal detector, sniffing out a lie.

“I think you believe that.” she said, and her tears began to drip out of her eyes, lifting off in the zero gravity. Floating out into the planet’s green atmosphere. She was hoping this day would never really come, but when it did, he would change his mind. He would see the love they had, and the love she had for him and stay. Push away all the pullings of the other life and reasonings of leaving and just stay. Be with her and let them carve a life out together. A part of her knew he never would, but she had wished and prayed and begged for it be different. She had read in a book once that she could change her fate. What she didn’t realise was that sometimes you got what you needed, not what you wanted.

As he went to kiss her, she pulled away. The moment hung like Christmas decorations in January, gaudy and out of place in the grey. He turned, but all she could see was the blurry colours of him departing as the tears bubbled in her eyes and she wept at her loss. A pain that quickly stabbed and settled within her as his rocket left forever.

My earth gives way

Crawled from the cobwebs of a translucent dream.
Stretched out across the fingers of the gods.
Held down and wrapped by you, suffocated in love.
You’re in the air as I breathe.
The god particle that explodes within.
A bigger bang than the galaxy around us has ever witnessed.
The seismic shift of you.
Burrowing deep into these lava bones.

Ever decreasing circumstance

It’s like a cold and stormy morning.
That day she tried to warn them.
Snapping her twig bones with the weight of circumstance.
Trying to walk away, curled up and tortured.
Dusting the regret from her hair.
She wants to be elsewhere.
Trying to disappear into someone else’s dream.
She tuned in to reasonable fear, Taipei to Tel Aviv.
Skirting the frequency of moral decomposition.
Trailing the warm currents of the sky above.
The damage appeared as they beat the drum.
Pounding in her skull while the water rose.
Feeling trapped like a goldfish in a bowl.
Swimming in her own coincidence.
Roll her over, watch her breathe.
Drinking in the rain as she dreamed once more of far off oceans.
Setting her sights on another orbit, while they set her on fire.
Breaking her from the rooted home, and that look in her eye.
A slow dance into dismay.

Into stars

Bury us where we fall.
Let the pillars of salt tumble, washed away in the monsoon rains.
Stain our souls with an oil of an age.
Squeezed from the ruby fruit swallowed by God.
Bones break and winds change.
Breathing a new time and vision to assemble.
Unpack the dreams that were lost to us.
Glow them out like phosphorus diamonds in our minds.
Let us turn and change in the weather.
Weathered too many storms and cracked by too many winters.
Lay down into the ivy and close the eyes of the young.
Speak tender words of softened touches and understanding.
Leave us to fade into time, our sorrow to crumble like stone.
Speak our names as we finally disappear.
And turn back to stardust

Lift

Gold dust fades on a broken apology.
Lifting away from these dreams, burying the night.
Cut strings and porcelain.
Drifting away from such demons.
Escaping the snap of nightmares and reality.
Those wishes were heavy, pulling down my soul.
Lift into a neon blue, a heady place where dreams have died.
Part truth, part ghost.
Rosaries spin on the motor heart, forcing me upward.
Sky west and crooked.
Linking into the distance within your eyes.
My heart went out to you, threatening heaven.
Promising to belong, two steps out of this world.
Blurring into a memory and rolling down the windows.
Rolling into the arms of love.
Stuck somewhere in between.

Six degrees of disintegration

Paper soul dancing by life’s flame.
Burn again. Born again.
Over and over like a universe collapsing.
Coming to bleed out the dark.
A dangerous dialysis of oil and tar.
Coming here to disappear.
Smearing your soul across the world for all the birds to see.
Nothing could bring you closer.
Shooting at phantoms.
Nothing would bring you down.
Dreaming those dreams in which to lose yourself.
Powered chalk on other’s fingertips.
Dirtying up your memories.
Falling to climb but never finding your wings.
Reconciled the misery with a loss of innocence.
That sweet little heart.
You gathered your bones up to say goodbye.
Breaking at your most beautiful.
And crawling out of your skin.
Leave, hoping for them to take you.
The vanishing calling.

Crawling out of a dream

My apologies please, I did not mean to interrupt.
Floating in my own dreams, a million miles above.
You tiptoe towards ascension, drinking in thoughts divine.
But fumbling in reality, and faith you think sublime.
I folded your bones in your sleep, cupped your tears as they fell.
Watched you swim in the shallowness, in pools of personal hell.
You want me to dream like you, and strip those trees bare.
And play forever with diamond sand, bowed deep in earthly prayer.
From vantage I watch the injured birds, in circles with broken wings.
Kept together by the glue of self, played on by other’s strings.
Chew over these observations, and golden words from God.
I apologise again once more, for the lesser things forgot.
So I cup you in my feathered hands, and wake you from the dream.
And do my best to understand, that things aren’t what they seem.
Vous êtes déjà Dieu, et déjà ce que vous connaissez.
Il est posé comme une graine immaculée, en attendant sa chance de grandir.

Intramural

These times of danger settle within.
On your eyelids and under your skin.
These creatures dwell out in plain sight.
They do not only pierce the night.
While people sleep and dream such dreams.
Dancing devils grow black and mean.
And they toil and think, and plot most secret.
To enter your soul, corrode; then keep it.
The ogres lick you with loving words.
That churn in your brain like diving birds.
Which peck and splinter all hope and trust.
And spit on dreams until the rust.
But these monsters don’t hide under your bed.
These horrors are the ones that reside in your head.

She dwelt on the moon

She lived up there, where nowhere went.
A sparkled silent sky just for her.
And her dreams and diamonds, all well spent.
As she walked through this world in a blur.
For it was on the moon her soul resided.
In lunar craters she crept and hided.
Watching the world from the safety of space.
Removed and distant, from the maddening human race.

Keeping the skeletons subdued

Once, when it was too late.
They slipped in to carry our innocence away.
Stealing our tomorrows with sacks on their backs.
They told us to go west to paradise.
Look up, and think of eucalyptus.
Not these pale blue eyes that drag you to the ocean floor.
A watered grave where your dreams erode like a pebble on the riverbed.
Dressed us in sweet words as they stripped our skin.
Wiping away everything. No fingerprints on our souls.
That great American hero. That angel in the night with the candle burning.
They kept the strings pulled tight.
Bunched and preened us.
Our daffodil heads blobbing in the winds of subjugation.
They touched us deep and unwelcomed.
Feeling up our virtue like a priest would.
Filthy fingers around our bones and hearts.
Stunted our growth.
Licked at us with arthritic tongues, soaking us with erosive saliva.
They hold us still, keeping us in the storm.
As the nightmare rages on.

Try not to breath

Hidden in the shell at the bottom of your soul.
In the hollow of your neck where your vertebrae’s buckle.
The palm of your hand.
It resides. Coughing out songs and laughter.
As you cry.
You choose and change this religion.
Writing your own dreams to dapple these eyelids of the young.
Sticky with Jesus kisses and Vaseline.
Now, there was someone with a bad judge of character.
Yet judge not, lest ye be judged as you chorus and ring in these ears.
Who disagrees?
Off with their heads and bring the bones to your feet.
Suck the soul from within like sap from a tree.
Or a balloon full of fear. Inhaled in a quiet dark room.
Where the shadows and ugly realities lie.
In wait. Ready to buzz out in phosphor.
Luminous lies.
Though it all means nothing to you. A new leprosy for a non-contact age.
Kept at a distance and viewed only through a screen.
Flashing pulsars.
As your neck gives in, staring at a phone all day.
You tie their necks back. A soft motherly touch, done in pink ribbons and lace.
They do not notice how tight you pull, as their view clouds and all they hear is your voice.
Talking, not of the bombs you will drop or the mustard gas breath you hiss.
You tell them they are superman.
Bittersweet and free.

Gold in the blood

Red rain, falling like sulphur.
Staining the world and the paper people.
Fold, recycle, cut and paste.
A papercut on this heart, opening for the light.
Blow your love into my brain.
Mist my eyes and let me slip into a miasmic dream.
Heady and concentrated.
Addiction is my latest mission.
Feeling you pin prick my fingertips.
You rock, paper, scissor me out.
Winning through with luck and bad taste.
Sending stinging sensations through my blood.
Singing me to sleep with a silent orchestra.
You banish the ghosts from these cobwebbed chasms.
Empty of love and anything bright.
No we dance in the sun, shining like silver and precious stones.
You weigh me down with this gold you shoot into my veins.
Holding me secure, better than gravity, for fear I would float away.

A dream in your world

Come stay with me, come down in time.
Let me hold you now.
Another minute to breathe.
Wrapped in the echoes of your sleep,
and the diamond reasons of eternity.
I spin a thread around us.
A salted circle of trust that the world won’t shake.
Or break.
Spun in gold and truthful titbits of reality.
As we bounce off the clouds of convention.
Barefoot on the dusty moon.
Don’t blink too soon.
Take me in and breathe me out.
Pull me over you like a sweater.
I will keep you warm when the world rains upon on us.
When the thunder rolls and you cover your eyes.
I won’t let them hold you down.
These are not times for freedom or carelessness.
And these are not treacled words that pool in your ears.
This is a truth cut from my heart, and squeezed out of necessity.
Thrown in the face of the fear of losing what we have.
A halo around your heart.
Something out of nothing,
My luggage of love, dropped on your doorstep.
Waiting to be unpacked.
Somewhere in California.

THE FIREFLIES

‘The fireflies will take you there.’

She heard the voice, strong and determined through the muddling noise of her day. It had travelled with her since she’d left her house that morning, echoes on the wind and fingers on the back of her neck.

“Stop that now please.” She said, startling an old lady passing her by. She turned away and hurried up the street, mindful of the ice on the path. The first big winter frost had settled in the night, and the overcast clouds threatened a grey and cold day ahead.

‘Come listen….’

That voice again, buzzing around her head like real fireflies. She stopped in the middle of the path outside a small coffee shop. Her warm breath exhaling in mist around in her in the coldness of the morning.

“I mean it.” she said, though there was no malice in her voice. She turned abruptly, and entered the small shop which was partially filled with people eager for their coffees on their way to work. She stood looking up at the board, her mind in two places. She looked at her watch and realised she was late for her interview. Time for a coffee at least, I’m only human she thought. She approached the counter, smiling at the man behind it; all smiles and eager to take her order. There was suddenly a huge creaking sound as if something were breaking. She looked up to find the entire roof being pulled back, opening like a can of beans.

She gasped as the seams of the room dripped in a starry gold dust, exposing the sky above them. But it was not the bleak winter clouds that she had seen outside, but a glorious sun baked blue haze smiling at her through the opening above. She staggered back from the counter, knocking into the person behind.

“Hey, watch it.” He said, unimpressed with her foot landing on his shoe, and clearly apathetic to the sight of the roof now missing above their heads. She glanced around her, the whole shop casting their confused eyes on her and not the sight above her heads.

“What? Oh Sorry!” she mumbled before flying out of the shop, letting the door smash behind her.

Out into the cold and muddling crowd, she tried to catch her breath. That was a new one she thought as she glanced back inside, watching as the people careful sipped their coffees as their own little world’s continued to turn. She felt their eyes on her still, so she moved off down the road in the same direction she had come.

“The fireflies are waiting.” She heard once more in her ears. Quietly this time, like whispers of a ghost. She shook this off and hurried quicker, making her way as fast as she could back to her apartment.

Inside she locked the door forcefully, though she knew nothing from outside was the problem. She turned around and with a flash of light the floor beneath was transformed into sand. The apartment dripped away, with a sea lapping the shore where her sofa used to be. The sky above exploded in a million sparks as if the stars were coming down from the sky. Fireflies buzzed around her, tingling her skin and whispering in her ear.

“Heena booraa, conallou.” They sung.

She smiled, she couldn’t help herself. The beach at night beneath her feet, the smell of the sea on the breeze that flowed so softly and silently down into her lungs. She walked forward and dipped her toe into the sea, her black work shoes finding a bit of sea foam on the end like a tuft of snow. She dropped her bag on the sand and walked along the beach until she walked into something hard with a loud thump.

“Ow!” she said aloud to the empty apartment which had now appeared in its headache haze around her. She rubbed her head where it had bumped, and sighed. A long deep-felt sigh that weighted with realisation and defeat. She steadied herself by putting her hand against the wall, thankful momentarily it hadn’t turned into a palm tree.

“Come back to us Stacey. We are waiting.” She heard quietly, whispered around her empty apartment.

Her mobile phone broke the silence, echoing from her bag that she had dumped on the floor. She wondered for a second whether to answer it, then quickly found her way to the bag; brushing off the sand on the bottom and retrieved the irritating device from within.

“Hello?”

“Hello, is this Miss Adams? I’m calling from Stacks Global.” The shrill voice called out from down the line.

“Oh, yes this is she.”

“Well Miss. Adams. We were expecting you promptly for an interview this morning.” The voice stated, hovering in an expectational way.

“Ah, yes. I’m sorry I’ve had a few problems getting in this morning.” Stacey said, noticing now the curtains beginning to shimmer with the gold dust she’d seen before. The woman on the line made a disgruntled snort as if she’d heard nothing so preposterous in her life.

“Miss. Adams, I needn’t tell you what a reputable company we have here. We don’t give interviews her needlessly to fill our time. You are making a very bad first impression and I must stress…” But Stacey cut her off.

“Okay, thanks then. Have a good day”. She said and hung up the phone, placing it on the sideboard. She stood there, no longer in a daze but with a twinkle of determination in her eyes.

“Okay. Okay. I’m coming. I’m sorry it took so long. Hana lowlalei.” And she made a circle with her hands in the air. The ground shock for a second and room burst with a flash of light, raining sparks all around her. She smiled once more and walked across the room to find her laptop. Still with her coat on she logged in, finding the cheap website for flights she had used before. Using her credit card she booked herself a ticket, first class none stop. And only one way.

 

Build me a coffin

We never let tomorrow in, as we ricochet between now and then.
Climbing the mountain each day, never taking the leap.
Of faith.
In the dark.
Holding on to the dying heart.
That beats for the decay.
I want to crawl my fingers to the sunlight.
Drop these excuses which weigh me down.
If not now, then when?
Building a coffin for this dying friend.
This soul I’ve exhausted and run into the ground.
Outgrown and exploited.
Let me howl at the moon in its crumbling position.
Clinging to the last breath.
This static disposition.
My mouth wants new dreams to sink into.
My soul needs to take flight on different wings.
Lay my old self down in the ground. Mark this place.
A memory of the lost and found. Not to be forgotten.
Tomorrow waits for no-one. It’s running at the speed of life.
My blood is stinging now with love and adrenaline.
Pushing me forward to the amazing unknown.
Out of these four walls.
Out of the space.
Crashing into the future with a smile that says ‘lead, don’t follow’.

We come in pieces

I wander up from my youth.
Into this skin.
This life I now reside within.
Piled upon bones, this memory of time.
My bark of remembrance cracks. Splinters out a sap.
You were there at the beginning. Siphoning stars and melancholy.
You’ll be there at the end. Counting the receipts.
Adding up to the most magic number.
Sit me down by the stream and watch our lives drift by.
Baking under that hellish sun.
Pull the fingernails from my hands and spirit my soul off to another land.
Fold me into your wings of resurgence.
Build me up for another day.
I came to you in pieces. Forged form hands as light as feathers.
You weigh me down. You make me fly.
You count the eyelashes while I sleep.
You creep under my skin each day. Legoing out a body and mind.
One that leans towards you like a plant to the sun.
Photosynthesising your love from your light.
Every part, every cell. Each atom is stacked in your favour.
Circles and squares, and pieces of you.
Building up a dream.

28

That day we all remember.
Covered in lust and tragedy.
Spinning each world on our finger, while the galaxy sighed.
Creeping my way to heaven.
Those bread crumbed hearts the devil left out.
Leading a trail to beds of graves, such frozen landscapes ahead.
That hunkering down for the winter.
You were so scared of girls.
Asking for answers from no-one there.
Just an empty call in a lonely forest.
A tiny touch of lunacy.
Brought on by the moon and the rising blood.
Shackled to thoughts of someone else.
Another’s dreams. A place only they could call home.
How you hoped to kiss away that sin.
Wondering if this was how it felt.
How it felt to be wanted.
Needed for a moment in time.
Crawling on the ceiling of resistance.
Clawing at the hands of fate.
Forgetting girls always kiss and tell.

Tangle and vines

I don’t want to go there anymore.
The ivy lattices up my eyes.
And the night is too dark.
Please take this hand.
Side steps the pools and the pitfalls.
These things that never mean to hurt you.
Those beasts in the hedges with eyes so wild.
I’m sorry for what they did.
Trying to squeeze love from you.
This hurt doesn’t change a thing.
Ripped from your flesh and allowed you too tumble.
Falling out of that perfect dream.
Tangled up in the vines that leaked from me.
Spun from the forest of regret.
Sit now, let me lick your wounds by the brook.
Make a splint from broken branches and apologies.
Counting tears like satellites in your eyes.
Taking me away.
Catching reasons like clouds as they float by.
Take this vanishing  hand.
As I depart from the noise and the sorrow.
Departing this earth.
With your smile in my mind.
The only memory I’m keeping

Skamonkas moon

Feather in the stream.
Broken again in a dizzying dream.
Small bear howls at the moon.
Echoes from lands tickle my wrist.
Dig deep into the earth and my veins.
Searching.
Hoping to find that hidden voice.
The lost ancestors of peace.
Searching still.
Tangled in the dreamcatcher above my eyelids.
Watching it play out like a movie in my mind.
Strong like sisters of the tribe.
Fragile like the mind of a child.
Blown up to the sky with the embers and ash of the fire.
And the days burned into history.
Under that skamonkas blue moon.