A Prayer dissected

Wings to fly, yet grounded.
The anchorage of my soul, gravitised to you.
The buildings and clouds climb above us.
Reaching up to god.
Trapped in this feeling, caught in the chaos of blinding resolution.
That glued my eyes open to the reality of it all.
Your feelings match the buildings so tall.
The reach and pull, and ascend away from me.
Into the space of another time.
Another life yet to be.
The weight of your world breaks my bones.
Splinters my soul and leaves me gasping for breath.
Split and scar the flesh to pull out the love.
Though there’s no need to cry.
China tears and crystal cries will only shatter in the echo,
of the words I spoke in pain, in dismantling the church of our hearts.
But keep that light on in our chapel.
The one that banishes the shadows, the things others know.
Those little pieces of our life mean more to me than those.
Let me devour them as you whisper in my ear.
‘You will again pray here.’

Breathe inside me

Call me down from the universe, way up high.
Brush away the moon dust.
Cough up the stars.
You took that picture of us down.
You smashed it into bits.
You broke the past, your burnt the time.
Cutting me deeper than you ever knew you could.
Band aid this flesh that hangs off the bone.
Kiss it to make it better.
Breathe under this water, under my skin.
You’ve packed the walls with soil.
Scattered seeds like a dervish.
You pray for the rain.
You pray for the devil to change.
I stay.
Why do I need you so?

Hesitant heartbeats

Why do you leave me wanting more?
A burning desire, a pound of flesh.
I don’t know why you’re so mean to me. I no longer hear you down the telephone.
Spiritual static and a ghostly murmurs.
The art of disappearing, begin these tears of mourning.
Come find me, I am there also. Pretending not to be seen, fading to grey.
I’m feeling it my heartbeat. The pounding fury, like angry regrets marching from the past.
You keep this going, all night long.
I used to find beauty in your anger, like a funeral surrounding death.
Black lace and candles.
But this indifference, this distrust and distaste leaves me empty.
Purged and rotting like a shipwreck crumbling in the salty tears.
Can you feel it too, in my heartbeat? Come close, put your hands on my skin.
Don’t you know, won’t you see?
Listen.
It’s my heart breaking.
A tiny collapse like a lone tree in a huge forest of uncertainty.
Reach in, and electrocute it back with your spark of wonder.

Funeral procession

There’s a prayer that I say that always brings me closer.
Closer to you, though we’re miles apart.
The shadows of death stalk us, licking at our flesh; threatening to spirit us away to nothingness.
Sky shifts and heaven shines. Leading the way forward.
Yet I cannot let go, and you pull me towards the light.
The choir sings and the eyes stare, whispering quiet goodbyes and long buried secrets.
Why do you take me with you? Faith fits me, not you. Not us.
I’m not ready to believe. I’m not prepared for the finality.
Do I know this from somewhere?
I look into your eyes and your halo blinds me. You let go.
All I can smell is turned soil and coffin wood.
Each nail drives its way home as the feet trundle away, descended the mountain I forced them to climb.
Quietness hangs after much searching. These souls shuffle back into the everyday, forgetting where I lie.
Forgetting that I lied.
Making me a saint in their own afterlives. Travelled finally down my own road.