Digested by God (love tasted)

Called down by the black crows.
The end unravelling from the start.
But there is no need to fear.
All these pieces of such a life, twinkling like a magpie prize.
Caught in the claws and clutches of another.
Keep an eye on the rising waters that swallow your bones.
Fusing the soul back to the heavens.
Late again for your own funeral, but god forgives you.
The retreat back into the mind, the swirling birds that will meet you by the devil’s eye.
Does it ever equal all the pain you’ve gone through?
What happens when the anger and love show?
Collected and dispensed like feathers on the wind.
A bird in the hand.
The ache in the bush, twisting in the fingers of fate.
Soaking wet, and restless. Flying south for the eternal winter.
Six feet of soil and sadness.
Buried like treasure and the troubled heart.
But you don’t get to go yet.

Hesitant heartbeats

Why do you leave me wanting more?
A burning desire, a pound of flesh.
I don’t know why you’re so mean to me. I no longer hear you down the telephone.
Spiritual static and a ghostly murmurs.
The art of disappearing, begin these tears of mourning.
Come find me, I am there also. Pretending not to be seen, fading to grey.
I’m feeling it my heartbeat. The pounding fury, like angry regrets marching from the past.
You keep this going, all night long.
I used to find beauty in your anger, like a funeral surrounding death.
Black lace and candles.
But this indifference, this distrust and distaste leaves me empty.
Purged and rotting like a shipwreck crumbling in the salty tears.
Can you feel it too, in my heartbeat? Come close, put your hands on my skin.
Don’t you know, won’t you see?
Listen.
It’s my heart breaking.
A tiny collapse like a lone tree in a huge forest of uncertainty.
Reach in, and electrocute it back with your spark of wonder.

Funeral procession

There’s a prayer that I say that always brings me closer.
Closer to you, though we’re miles apart.
The shadows of death stalk us, licking at our flesh; threatening to spirit us away to nothingness.
Sky shifts and heaven shines. Leading the way forward.
Yet I cannot let go, and you pull me towards the light.
The choir sings and the eyes stare, whispering quiet goodbyes and long buried secrets.
Why do you take me with you? Faith fits me, not you. Not us.
I’m not ready to believe. I’m not prepared for the finality.
Do I know this from somewhere?
I look into your eyes and your halo blinds me. You let go.
All I can smell is turned soil and coffin wood.
Each nail drives its way home as the feet trundle away, descended the mountain I forced them to climb.
Quietness hangs after much searching. These souls shuffle back into the everyday, forgetting where I lie.
Forgetting that I lied.
Making me a saint in their own afterlives. Travelled finally down my own road.

Accident of grand design

I ran from the moment, away from the all the pain.
Up into the hills.
Far from you now, though I see you from up here. Up into the rains and breath of the mountain.
I stand on the edge and look up. The black rain falls on my face.
I swallow the sky and spit out the stars.
Raining them down upon you.
I stay here far too long, I no longer know who you are.
Memories hang off me like vines in the amazon. The animals of self-loathing crawl in these branches.
Tears fall that weld me to the stone. Moss begins to grow over my flesh.
I could not keep the promise I made.
A funeral procession trundles up the path below.
Laying rest to a soul who knew nothing but how to leave.
Their final exit, left all with destruction behind as they now carry his bones skyward.
I watch and listen to their dirges. Only I am to blame.
God help him.
God help me as I learn to say goodbye.