Hesitant heartbeats

Why do you leave me wanting more?
A burning desire, a pound of flesh.
I don’t know why you’re so mean to me. I no longer hear you down the telephone.
Spiritual static and a ghostly murmurs.
The art of disappearing, begin these tears of mourning.
Come find me, I am there also. Pretending not to be seen, fading to grey.
I’m feeling it my heartbeat. The pounding fury, like angry regrets marching from the past.
You keep this going, all night long.
I used to find beauty in your anger, like a funeral surrounding death.
Black lace and candles.
But this indifference, this distrust and distaste leaves me empty.
Purged and rotting like a shipwreck crumbling in the salty tears.
Can you feel it too, in my heartbeat? Come close, put your hands on my skin.
Don’t you know, won’t you see?
Listen.
It’s my heart breaking.
A tiny collapse like a lone tree in a huge forest of uncertainty.
Reach in, and electrocute it back with your spark of wonder.

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Accident of grand design

I ran from the moment, away from the all the pain.
Up into the hills.
Far from you now, though I see you from up here. Up into the rains and breath of the mountain.
I stand on the edge and look up. The black rain falls on my face.
I swallow the sky and spit out the stars.
Raining them down upon you.
I stay here far too long, I no longer know who you are.
Memories hang off me like vines in the amazon. The animals of self-loathing crawl in these branches.
Tears fall that weld me to the stone. Moss begins to grow over my flesh.
I could not keep the promise I made.
A funeral procession trundles up the path below.
Laying rest to a soul who knew nothing but how to leave.
Their final exit, left all with destruction behind as they now carry his bones skyward.
I watch and listen to their dirges. Only I am to blame.
God help him.
God help me as I learn to say goodbye.